Wednesday, March 15, 2006


John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester (1647-1680) - He was one of the rowdiest drunken fools of the seventeenth Century. He was also one of the most talented - he received his Master of Arts from Oxford at age fourteen, more common then than now, but still a sign of amazing ability. He drank, whored, vandalized, and walked around naked in public. I've included some of his more bawdy poetry in honor of our own approaching drunken festival of St. Patrick's Day.

Lampoon {On the Women About Town}

oo long the Wise Commons have been in debate
About Money, and Conscience (those Trifles of State)
Whilst dangerous Grievances daily increase,
And the Subject can't riot in Safety and peace;
Unless (as against Irish Cattle before)
You now make an Act to forbid Irish whore.
The Coots (black, and white) Clenbrazell, and Fox,
Invade us with Impudence, beauty, and pox.
They carry a Fate which no man can oppose:
The loss of his heart, and the fall of his Nose.
Should he dully resist, yet would each take upon her,
To beseech him to do it, and engage him in honour.
O! Ye merciful powers, who of Mortals take Care,
Make the Women more modest, more sound, or less fair.
Is it just that with death cruel Love should conspire,
And our Tarses [penises] be burnt by our hearts taking fire?
There's an end of Communion if humble Believers
Must be damned in the Cup like unworthy Receivers.

Signior Dildo

ou ladies all of Merry England
Who have been to kiss the Duchess's hand,
Pray did you lately observe in the Show
A Noble Italian called Signior Dildo?

The Signior was one of her Highness's Train
And helped to Conduct her over the Main,
But now she Cries out to the Duke, 'I will go,
I have no more need for Signior Dildo.'

At the Sign of the Cross in Saint James's Street,
When next you go thither to make your Selves Sweet,
By Buying of Powder, Gloves, Essence, or So
You may Chance get a Sight of Signior Dildo.

You'll take him at first for no Person of Note
Because he appears in a plain Leather Coat:
But when you his virtuous Abilities know
You'll fall down and worship Signior Dildo.

My lady Southesk, Heav'ns prosper for 't
First Clothed him in Satin, the brought him to Court;
But his Head in the Circle, he scarcely durst Show,
So modest a Youth was Signior Dildo.

The good Lady Suffolk thinking no harm
Had got this poor Stranger hid under her Arm:
Lady Betty by Chance came the Secret to know,
And from her own mother, stole Signior Dildo;

[...] Our dainty fine Duchesses have got a Trick
To Dote on a Fool, for the sake of his Prick,
The Fops were undone, did their Graces but know
The Discretion and vigour of Signior Dildo

That Pattern of Virtue, her Grace of Cleveland,
Has swallowed more Pricks, than the Ocean has Sand,
But by Rubbing and Scrubbing, so Large it does grow,
It is fit for just nothing but Signior Dildo.

... and so on. You'll like the rest of the poem, but it's too long for me to type out fully. Enjoy these, and others. I also recommend "A Satyr Against Reason and Mankind."


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